Ultrasound

We're having a child, but I'm pretty sure I was one of those just yesterday.

Jun 23, 2025

But Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” — Matthew 19:14

My wife and I are expecting a daughter in 3 months. As in, our daughter. Our own baby… our offspring.

I am thrilled. I am full of joy. I am scared out of my mind.

I feel like I have stepped onto another planet or into some alternate universe, a place where the idea of me fathering a child is somehow possible. It isn’t possible, right? Nope, no way. I’m the one who has a father, but I myself am not one. It’s just never worked that way… right?

Wrong. It does work this way, and it is most definitely happening.

Yesterday I was 3 feet tall, playing with Legos and pissing my corduroy britches, and now I am taking photos with my sweet wife, holding her belly and a long strip of grainy, black and white pieces of evidence that we did indeed make a baby.

The shock is a lasting one. My math isn’t mathing, as they say. My brain and my heart keeping holding these little business meetings inside me, toting their little brief cases filled to the brim with all the logic and understanding on the matter that they can muster. They sit and ponder and discuss the news with hopes of reaching some sound conclusion, but no such conclusion may be reached. Meeting adjourned.

It is change, and no logic or reason can reckon with that.

In this dumbfounded state, however, I have had no shortage of joy. I could sit here and weep just thinking about what a blessing a child is. God has seen us and poured His love out on us in buckets. He has worked on my heart for a long time in leading up to this, and I give Him glory upon glory.

As well as giving glory, I know I must give Him all my faith in order to be who I need to be. I must surrender to Him every little piece of me. If I’ve recognized anything lately, it’s that I need his strength and mercy like I need the very breath in my lungs. I am cooked without Him.

I am proud to be a young man, and truthfully, my manhood is what I strive to show the world. That I can be strong, that I have what it takes. If I’m honest with myself, though, I am still a kid in many ways, and I don’t like to admit that. I am a man, but a 21 year old dude with a baby on the way has a heck of a lot to learn.

How can I be father? How can I raise a little girl? How is this going to work?

God’s grace, that’s how. I have no resume to turn in, no previous experience in fathering little girls (or any children for that matter), no concept of what it means to hold in your arms a frail little child that trusts you and depends on you to make it in this harsh world.

I have nothing to give but faith in Jesus, and faith in Jesus is enough. As long as I have Jesus, I have what it takes.

See you soon, Wendy.

— I. S. H.

Ultrasound

By Ian Samuel Helton, 2025

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

They take her back.
My heart is waltzing
clumsily
with my stomach;
their poor dancing always
troubles me.
Old building, dated with
ages of service and
slowly filling with
young women and
their young men
and their new approaching
worlds of change.
A shift to the
next place, I watch
the quiet walls 
pass me by, breathing 
the sterilized air.
Hallway A, 
beige seating,
free wifi.
Come on back.
The room is dark. 
She's there, the crown of creation,
bearer of gardens and
this newest growing flower,
upon the bed’s paper sheet. 
A black and white film,
the Lord’s knitting,
a beating heart and 
restless legs, pulsing, kicking,
and waiting; an arrow
from Heaven, passing 
into my earthly quiver.
We leave with the images,
papers and check outs.
Patient steps following
into the the laid path ahead,
the path of trust.
A tender faith
that must be had and
a joy that is certain;
We have been blessed.
Praise Him who
lets the little children
come to Him.

— I. S. H.

Just as you do not know the path of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of the pregnant woman, so you do not know the activity of God who makes all things. — Ecclesiastes 11:5